I was sexually harassed and this is what happened

Today I will be answering a reader’s email:

Max: My name is Tina (name redacted) and I wish to share my story with you. My story is heartbreaking and filled with tears and disappointments.

I am 35 years old and have worked at a large hardware company for almost 4 years. We manufacture important components everybody has on their phones. We’are a pretty awesome company, however, in order to preserve my identity I won’t go into much details. I am single currently, been married before when I was younger and have divorced many years ago.

The issue I have experienced at work puts me in a horrible position. A co-worker, we shall name him, Tobias, sexually harassed me. Tobias is single, no kids and about the same age. He came on my team fairly recently. Here’s what happened. Last week Tues. we had to stay late to finish a project and Tobias began winking at me as we left, saying that “I was a gift to be around.” That remark stuck with me, and I felt repulsed by it. But I gave him a pass. Then next day he said: “Would you like to go out this weekend ? Dinner and a movie ?” I thought, well, I wasn’t doing anything, and that could be fun. So we set it up for 7 o’clock Sat. evening. I agreed to have him pick me up at my house.

The dinner went well, at a fancy restaurant, we ate fancy Italian rigatoni and garlicky sauce French escargot. Tobias ordered wine too, the wine was kind of strong, I felt it. Unfortunately so did Tobias, who after three glasses was getting drunk. As we finished dinner, Tobias paid the check, and as we were leaving the table, he said: “I really enjoyed our dinner. Care to see a movie at my place ?



“Wait, Tobias. I thought we’re seeing a movie at Regal” (the theater in the same mall we dined.)

Him: “No, at my place. He than grabs my arm and says: “Well ?”

I said: No ! I’m out ! and I sprung for the doors, leaving that disgusting guy behind ! I got a ride home and was glad my awful night was over. Terrible !

I now have a lawyer taking up a sexual harassment case, and you know what ? They can’t fire me because I’m suing. It would be wrongful termination. We filled an internal complaint as well. This is what happens when pigs put lipstick on and don’t know how to behave.

I wrote you to illustrate how women don’t have to put up with demeaning behavior. Ladies, we can keep our dignity intact, and in fact, defend our rights.

-Tina

Hello Tina,

Thank you for writing. As you know, I don’t give advice, legal or otherwise, I can only voice an opinion. This “Tobias” from what you’re saying is a coworker, not a boss that I understand. I don’t know why he hasn’t told you you were going to watch the movie at his place. Did he make any effort to stop you from leaving the restaurant ? It doesn’t appear so. Since you are already consulting a lawyer, the lawyer can give you proper advice on this situation.

I published this as the cautionary tale of “sexual harassment” happening in the workplace. Don’t let that happen to you.

Good luck in your future endeavors.

-Max