Tips on getting “liked”

Perhaps you’ve read The Like Switch by Jack Schaffer, Ph.D and Marvin Karlins, Ph.D on How to get “liked”. If you haven’t, here’s a recap of the Friendship Formula in the book at the NY Post.

I suppose these are behaviors you wanna adopt in cases of servitude, inferiority, when you’re begging and don’t have the upper hand: at a job interview or when requesting a favor from your superiors. Those that have the power in the organization would not adapt these signals, with the exception maybe of intense eye contact.

It is useful for anyone to know, however, what is the difference between a fake and a force smile:

Schaffer- “As opposed to sincere smiles, forced smiles tend to be lopsided. Fake smiles also lack syncrony. In a fake smile, you can see that the corners of the mouth are not upturned and the cheeks are not uplifted to cause wrinkling around the eyes...-p. 33″

 I use the tips in this book more than anything to spot suck ups and manipulators. So what are the things to watch out for:

-Isopraxism is the mirroring of the actions of others (their legs are crossed, you cross the legs, point open torso towards the other to induce the sense of openness, etc.). Mirroring works to meet them at their level. Again, it is good for first contact, job interview.

-Use the rumor mill to spread compliments instead of delivering them directly. Especially if people are skeptical of you.

-Pursed lips means the person has a different opinion than what he’s saying. (NY Post)

-Mutual hair flipping is a sign of good rapport.

-Ask for favors, introduce yourself, start a conversation after the gym workout. But then everybody knows that after exercise you release “feel-good” endorphins. Nevertheless, we often forget that’s some of the best time to latch onto someone.

-Use the Hansel and Gretel “bread crumbs” approach to distributing information about yourself. Release self-disclosures over an extended period of time rather than all at once.

Coming up soon, Max Cantor Q&A Part 2, I’ll break the Hansel and Gretel advice and release a motherload one year after my first Q&A. You don’t wanna miss it.