The cure to envy

Envy is a subroutine of the HOS (Human Operating System); a lot of readers have concerns over it. The NYT had an Oped article recently The Upside of Envy written by Gordon Marino, a professor of philosophy.

“In his essay “On Envy,” the philosopher Francis Bacon wrote, “Of all other affections, it is the most importune and continual. For of other affections there is occasion given but now and then; and therefore it was well said, ‘Invidia festos dies non agit.’ ” That is, ‘Envy keeps no holidays.'”

Mr. Marino recalls when a “sixtysomething friend boasted that he had recently completed a marathon, I was able to restrain myself from giving rope to the indignant thought, ‘Instead of running miles every day, why don’t you spend some time tutoring disadvantaged kids!'”

This is called projection-evisceration. A lot of people have “envy to the N-th degree”, which is what I would describe the author when he had that thought (kudos for stopping himself from voicing it out loud). As a repetitive thought pattern, envy is very damaging. We need to take control of that poor thinking process.

The best way to deal with envy, like with any (damaging, in this case) loop is to:

1. Break it with an action -if that doesn’t work, then,

2. Realize we don’t control what others do, say and who they are. If that still doesn’t work or if it is not your operating system [it’s called the stoic OS], then,

3. Realize there’s always somebody better or doing better than we are (the superlative connection). If that still doesn’t do it, then,

4. “Judge” others on other metrics (multi-metric comparison). “Yes, he makes more money than I do, BUT I have a better looking girlfriend than he does. Or I am in better shape than he is, etc.”

The best and final rule of envy is one of the  12 Rules of Life of Dr. Jordan B. Peterson and others,

“Always compare yourself to who you were yesterday.”

If you implement a practice of that rule, i.e., apply it quarterly, annually, it should gradually take over the damaging subroutine of comparing yourself to other people.

Not all forms of comparison-thinking are bad

Suppose, for example, you walk into a gym class and a buddy there does more reps, and faster, than you do. Or running better than you do. In such cases, comparing yourself to a better athlete can be useful, and should not be denied. If your goal becomes “I want to do as good or better than he/she”, it’s not harmful. Healthy competition, the adjustment of goals in face of competition is not to be evaded. The whole reason of having a teacher or trainer is to reach higher goals. We don’t call that “envy” we call it training.

After her husband passed away, Lois decided to join the powerlifting community. Now she can deadlift 185 pounds! pic.twitter.com/cLygNzZcxj

— Women's Health (@WomensHealthMag) May 7, 2018

P.S.

Alpha males: I excuse you from reading this post, because it does not apply to you. Alpha males do not suffer from envy. They are pretty much immune to that faulty loop. Alphas are self-contained islands of embodied self-realization. While holding unrealized ambitions and aspirations, alphas just don’t compare themselves to others.