We’re leaving the nerds behind today.
Did you really think I like talking about The Practical Byzantine Fault Tolerance (PBFT), SIEVE, Cross-Fault Tolerance (XFT), Proof of Elapsed Time, Hyperledger Iroha, Hyperledger Burrow, Ripple & Stellar Blockchain, Ripple Consensus Protocol Algorithm, Stellar Consensus Protocol Algorithm, and other nerdy stuff ? No way !
Three readers who wished to remain anonymous and self-described themselves as “woman-pros” emailed me with their “Corona -time” women lay tips. While the rest of the male population (sadly including myself) have less lays these days, three guys, Bill, Evan and Mike, say they’ve increased their lays -the number of women they’ve slept with – organically and under the conditions of “social-distancing”.
How the fuck is that possible if public venues are closed, you can’t go to show, a pub, a meeting and (for most) you can’t even travel anywhere ? At first I thought they’re getting the women who smoke cigars – like the guy below probably did.
This is what these three noble gentlemen had to say (mix-and-match)
Bill: It’s nurses time
Nurses and health-care workers have their priorities straight. I got a nurse whom I spotted in a parking lot on a same-day lay. I came straight-faced to her when she was almost getting ready to get into her car:
- I said: I know you’re washing your hands. Let’s go home and get into the shower together.
- She looked at me starry-eyed and said: I’m sorry ?
- I said: You know hygiene and contamination protocols. C’mon , let’s go. I live 10 minutes away – a short walk. Leave your car where it is.
- Her: Whaaat ?
- I said: You’ve worked hard all day. You can’t even go outside without a mask anymore. Leave your stuff in your car. Let’s go.
We went over to my place and it was a better fuck than I’ve had in weeks…and the best she ever had, to be sure. Remember: a nurse, coming from work (she was still wearing nurse uniform) is ready.
Evan: Grocery store soldier
In a grocery store I spotted a hottie in black leggings, blond hair cropped short, good curves. Once she crossed my path more than twice I knew it was time to act.
- From a distance: Me: I’ve been doing some running myself, you know.
- Her: No response.
- Me: As long as we’re keeping the 6 feet distance, I feel safe. (looking over my shoulders, 360 degrees around)
- Her (responding for the first time): I know.
- Me [looking over the items in her cart]: Boy, I’m glad these nut cases left some cheese for us.
- Her: no response.
- Me: You’re not working now, are you ?
- Her: No.
- Me: I just can’t stand it. What’s your number ? I’ll call you in a few hours to check up on you.
- Her: Gives out phone number. After I entered it, I got her to say her name out to me, then left. Easy-peasy.
Mike: Old contact lay
Yesterday morning I went though my phone. I have to say I never cleaned my phone list, not in last 5 years for sure. Although I do have it organized-a bit-, there are plenty of numbers of women that for some reason or another I never followed up on. I thought that I should call some of these numbers. And so I called Nancy, who I must have met two years ago at a meeting. I think it was a formal meeting of sorts. Phone rang, and she answered.
- I said: Hey.
- Her: Hello, who is it ?
- Me: This is Mike. Met you some time ago.
- Her: Ahh.
- Me: You’re at home ?
- Her: Yes
- Home alone ?
- Her: Yes.
- Me: You’re not working.
- Her: No.
- Me: Bad girl (laughing)
- They’re keeping us safe like pets in a cage.
- Her: says nothing, except suave giggle.
- Me again: I know where you live you live by 24th street (I had no idea where she actually lived)
- Her: No, I live in East Flatiron.
- Me: Are you washing your hands ?
- Her: I do.
- Me: I have to see you do it.
- Her: But I do.
- Me: I’m not saying you don’t, I have to see you doing it. I’m coming over there. Unless your mom is there too. (I threw that in there, although she first said -lied- she was all alone)
- Her: She is.
- Me: Then come over to my place. No, wash your hands first, then come on over.
- Her: I don’t know
- Me: You know to wash you hands, don’t you. Come over, Cinderella.
- Her: Who is Cinderella
- Me: You. (I texted her my address) Tell your mom you’re going to the grocery store ’cause you need something for a smoothie
- Her: What smoothie ?
- Me: The one you’ll be having at my place.
- Her : No response
- That’s it. I already made it. It’s Mm-mm.
She made it. And we had one smooth-of-a-time. So my tips for folks: answering machines – hang up. Disconnected old numbers -remove. Hard nos- remove. Soft nos -90% they are hard nos. Remember: it started with a phone call, NOT a text. Do not text a woman who may not even remember you.
Videos, Page Two: Women smoking cigars -NSFW unless you’re working at home
Fidel Castro: “We harvest it, and let foreigners pay for it.”
Texting tip:
“Shutout to all my girls who have Covid,
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”