Is is hard to get into Harvard? It sure is considering just 4.7% of some 42,729 applicants made it to its 2018 freshman class.

Melissa Korn and Nicole Hong wrote a 13-point Knowing the 13 Secret Steps into Harvard Doesn’t Make Admission Any Easier article in Monday’s Wall Street Journal. I will cite those points although I believe there’s one that is a major consideration (scroll down to number 14). I will also add some “points” of my own to build up a more complete picture.

1. Since geographic diversity is relevant and admission folks divide the country into 20 dockets, if you’re from an underrepresented docket (i.e. Idaho), it **could** increase your chances.

2. Going against point 1. above, New York City and Boston applicants had the highest admission rates in 2018. What happened? When did picking up potatoes in Idaho in adolescence became less interesting?

3. “Persuade a parent to be a chief or mechanic.” What if your parent is a clown? Does that still work? What if you say your father is a DILF? (I ain’t telling you what that means).

4. The reporters found those declaring “humanities” in intended concentration (as opposed to fin/eco or even STEM) might have been favored. You can have a history major from Harvard and you’re still good for a 6-figure salary job in asset management after graduation.

5. Show them how much you love learning (book clubs, activities club, etc.)

6. Your recommendations letters should be “over the top”. Does anybody know any math at all to understand that 105% doesn’t exist? Over-the-top you fall off the cliff in my book.

7. “Tell a compelling story.” Have you helped every little old lady prune her tree and then pick up the apples for her? You’ve also gone into their kitchen and made apple pie for them. You did that in Vietnam which you haven’t visited since the Viet Cong were there (circa 1976). “When me and the Cong were shooting at each other…”

8. Don’t come off as “arrogant, aggressive, unhappy, or boring.” How about that? At the interview, ask your interviewer if she has a cat. If she says yes, say: Good, cause I am ready to adopt your kitten litter!

9. Come off as “mature, effervescent, and kind”. What the hell is effervescent? Is that something that’s fizzy into water? I tell you what. Bring a bottle of Kombucha with you, and after you’ve shaken it up a little open it up. If it sprays, you are effervescent.

10. Be a varsity athlete.

11. “Schedule your alumni interview at a coffee shop and instruct your friends to casually stop by.” So…if you’re a loner, you’re doomed.

12. Be very rich. Or very poor (WTF??) I suggest you solve this like a businessman: you tell them they must pay your airfare and accommodations, ’cause you got your money tied up in some illiquid investments. You will give them a blank piece of paper, an IOU, which says you’ll pay them back in 50 years. Do NOT disclose your tax returns no matter what they say!

13. Hurry up?! No, not a chance. You wear a MAGA red hat at the interview. Then, gift them a personalized pen with #VoteBlue written on it.

14. This is what matters folks: legacy. Your direct ties to the House.

15. Tell them you’ve started a hedge fund in high school. At age 15. Tell them you’re legit. You’re wearing a MAGA hat.

16. Ask the interviewer if they need a smoke break (remember, you’re mature).

17. Ask them the question of what their costume is going to be on Halloween Night.

18. I’ve heard people respond well to “I feel you.” statements. So say it during the interview.

19. If somebody asks you: What’s your biggest fear?, clap. If they don’t get it, say: the clap. “Did you say the clap, young man?” “No Madam, I said the clam. I work to save the mollusks from over-fishing.

20. If somebody asks you what’s your favorite hobby, say it is gardening. (that’s what old folk usually do)

Background story: NY Times, Harvard Rated Asian-American Applicants Lower on Personality Traits, Suit Says

Who is this beauty? Come into my life, gorgeous!

I was perplexed when I saw this recipe. A shutout goes to Apollonas Kapsalis of  GreekGoesKeto for this recipe of Keto Karidopita – Walnut cake. This must be delish.