“Dana Humprey uses a technique she call, the “hand scream”. She covers her mouth with both hands, leans forward and then silently screams, while shaking her hips back and forth. ‘Moving the energy of anger is really important,’ says the life coach from Rockaway Park, N.Y. ‘It allows you to come back with less of a charge and an ability to have a conversation with someone.'”

Elizabeth Bernstein

Georgetown University’s Assistant Professor Jeremy Yip says there are two types of anger: integral anger -directly related to the situation/person involved and incidental anger when “you’re provoked by one thing and lash out at another.” -WSJ

Some people jump on a Peloton bike when they get angry. Or take a walk. Get away from people. Get away from the problem.

You might have heard of the Anger Iceberg. The Anger Iceberg says that other emotions may be hidden beneath the surface. These other feelings—such as sadness, fear, or guilt—might cause a person to feel vulnerable, or they may not have the skills to manage them effectively.

I’ve discussed CBT methods before and recommended these books, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Made Simple: 10 Strategies for Managing Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Panic, and Worry and Retrain Your Brain: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in 7 Weeks: A Workbook for Managing Depression and Anxiety by Seth G. Gilihan Ph.D. so we’re not going to do it again. CBT is useful.

Ultimately, mindfulness helps.

I am one of few in the world who points out the harsher reality. People are going to dissapoint you. They are going to betray you. You are going to be left down. You don’t always reap the rewards according to what you seeded.

Regardless, you must keep on going.

Here are some ways folk are dealing with annoying or dissapointing situations:

1. Imagine that whatever happened happened to someone else. Call him Bill/Sarah or call them by their real name as in your neighbor down the street. So it is him, not you, that got into that particular situation or outcome. You’ll feel less anger since you’ve detached yourself from it.
2. If you have haters, just remember me. Yes, me. ‘Cause I got many more of those…

3. The more non-PC you are, the more roadblocks people are going to build in your way.

4. Ultimately, people don’t care about you. This realization comes to us all with age and experience. If you get anything from this blog, 380+ articles and all, is that you should not live your life accoding to other people’s expectations.

In my book, the Book of the Underdog, I’ve written that anger is good. It’s authentic. It’s destructive only when it’s not released. Release it strategically. Don’t let it build up inside you. That’s what they want. Don’t give them that satisfaction.

Until next time,

-Max

Don’t forget: Business owners, entrepreneurs and leaders can now “pick my brain” over a confidential, one-on-one phone call. This is the first time ever that I’ve done anything like this. This will not last through the summer. Now it’s your time. If you’re not moving forward, you are taking steps back…

You rarely, if ever, see how leaders behave, because most meetings are behind closed doors and most conferences (see the Dealbook conference this past week) are boring like hell. Occasionally, you see veterans on TV sparring , these are delightful.

The point is CEOs know how to use trash talk, they do it more often than you think, and that is a skill you want to develop if you want to climb up the ladder. New reader tip: what I do on this blog I analyze the world of corporate power and influence for the benefit of the underlings. I dig deep into the behavior, methods and secrets of the moneyed elite and let you know what they don’t want you to know. Because press releases, biographies and auto biographies reveal only so much (correctly should be: only so little).

So can you trash talk like a MMA fighter ?

Can you subdue an opponent relentlessly ?

Sure you can.

Last Tues. a WSJ column “To Win a Negotiation ? Get Mad” (Elizabeth Bernstein) described some four yet-to-be-published UPenn studies that look at the role of anger in negotiations and competition. And guess what ? You won’t believe that they’ve found: anger does work. “The team that watched a scene from the movie ‘Witness’ where Harrison Ford’s character gets harassed performed better than those who watched a Robbin Williams stand up comedy performance.”

In another setting, in two studies, “Dr. Tamir had participants listen to either heavy metal or calming instrumental music. The participants were told that anger would help them perform better, while others were told that anger would harm their performance. The participants in the first study the were asked to negotiate with another person for money, and those in the second study played an aggressive computer game. The results for both studies were similar: the angry participants who listened to the heavy-metal music performed better -but only when they expected their anger to help them.'”

Science comes on board with what has been seen and known for decades.

“The Secret to Happiness is to
Count your blessings
While Others are adding
Up their troubles.” -William Penn #WalkOnWater #health #Happiness #AwesomeSquared #Forbes400

— Max Cantor (@FinancierGuru) November 11, 2017

If you’ve seen Sheryl Sandberg or Donald Trump speaking, you know how good actors feign anger.

Of course, anger is a destructive emotion, nevertheless it is a useful emotion and an emotion that needs to be mastered. There are several ways to get into the angry mode. Here are some sentences I’ve seen that really work:

I’m not finished here…

Are you calling me a liar ?

You’ve ruined our work of [five] years here.

Did you just come up with that ?

Considering what you’ve done [then and now], It’s a big pile of dung.

Finally, take everything personally. Or appear to.