Interviewer: Max, thanks for taking the time to do this.

Max: You’re welcome.

I: As a first question, which maybe just came to my mind, if we associate you with any Star Wars character, which one would you be ?

M: Master Yoda, which has been sort of forgotten lately. Yoda is the greatest Jedi, yet I’ve never seen anybody giving him as much as a kiss, not a medal, not anything. Good guys finish last.

I: I see what you mean. Is Yoda perhaps working in the background ? Last, but not least ?

M: I’m sure Yoda is cooking up something. He is a dealmaker. He knows how to tip the balance.

I: You mean, like a Goldmanite ? Working for Goldman Sachs ?

M: No man, I didn’t mean it as an insult. (No pun intended. Goldman is a terrific bank). You need to know that I, like Donald Trump, can say anything I want, even if it’s stupid. I meant seeing the market. Selling gold with the strengthening dollar and stuff. If Yoda was in bonds he’d be rowing hard and fast now but still manage to keep afloat.

I: Ok. Let’s get back to cooking. I wanted to know what the Great Max eats. What is your diet ? Your daily routine like ? Exercise ? What kind of women do you date ?

M: On the diet thing, mine is closest to the Paleo. Except I am the real paleo. I eat raw meat. I also eat a lot of nuts, of course vegetables, fruit. I divest from the Paleo line though because I still drink milk.

I: You eat raw meat ? Don’t you get sick from it ?

M: No. I’ve been eating raw meat for over 15 years. For people reading this who don’t eat raw, and that means 100% of you, raw meat also has a distinct taste than cooked. It’s different. It’s a different taste buds pleasure. I also eat meat cooked.

I: Wow. How do you ever not rise and fly out the window at night ?! Do you drink, or should I say, ever drunk human blood ?

M : No, I don’t like the taste of human blood. I’m not a vampire. I’m like a shark, I spit out human blood. Too salty. I also don’t drink ocean saltwater. On the other hand, bllod oozing from a fresh cut of kobe beef it’s tasty.

I: What about the bones ?

M: I chew on them. When there’s nothing I can chew, I give them to my dog.

I: In a bloodbath.

M: You bet.

I: Do you like your women raw, too ?

M: What do you mean by that ?

I: I don’t know, Max. You’re full of surprises. What kind of girlfriends do you have ?

M: I have a rule. I call it LBN: Look-Better-Naked. If they can pass that, they’re in. Girls, however, have to constantly prove themselves to me, not take me for granted. They have to earn their stripes. If they fall out of line, I cut them short. I have a two-strikes rule: they fail me twice, they’re done.

I: So what kind of girls do you like ?

M: I’ll tell what I don’t like, I don’t like flakes.

I: Excellent. Very enlightening. Max, let me switch here and ask you, what do you think of Donald Trump ?

M: It is not my place and time here to say anything about him. Besides, I think it’s unfair that I should spend my time thinking about him if he doesn’t spend any time thinking about me.

I: So what you’re saying is that you are not going to interview for a government post to the Trump Tower any time soon, Are you keeping us in suspense ?

M: What I’m saying is: I’m not paying for nobody’s dinner. If somebody wants me to travel to their office to meet me, they have to prepay me my travel expenses plus accommodations. That’s how I roll. You know me. I’ve done multi-million deals. I don’t care who the f**k you are. This is my time, my money. If you want a circus, toomfoolery, look, I don’t fool around. 

I: Max Cantor, everybody !