Beyoncé​ says that “our mistakes make us who we are.”

In the movie “The Last Words” (2017) Harriet says: “You don’t make mistakes. Mistakes make you.” Very true.

A reader’s comment on a previous post: “Monogamy is a tough sell to women” deserves a reply. I don’t think anybody else on Wall Street writes on this theme, so I’ll take a shot at it. What Wall Streeters are doing is lining up the pockets of marriage counselors and when they get divorced their ex-spouses get huge settlements. And there’s no refunds from the therapists they saw. If I’m wrong, please call me out on it. Send me the names and tel. numbers of the therapists that offer a money-back guarantee with access to their guarantee payback records. “Settlements” as in getting set up for life. That’s different than settlements in corporate battles, which aren’t a permanent feature. In corporate finance, one party doesn’t get all benefits in perpetuity.

You wouldn’t have a divorce if you had a healthy relationship to begin with. A healthy relationship is forged in the beginning, not at the end. It then needs to be reinforced continuously. While I see normal for people to evolve (be wary of people that do not), “irreconcilable differences” are usually bullshit. It’s the way of the woman saying: I want out, because a settlement looks better than anything else in my life. I’ve rewarded you with sex and companionship for _X_ years, and I want to get paid handsomely for it.

How to Sell Your Spouse or Fiancé on Non-Monogamy

If the split is on an issue other than “infidelity”, then I can’t help you. I clarify here points for dealing with the “infidelity” issue. If you lost your job and she walks out, she wasn’t invested in the relationship to begin with.  You were just her docile beta man paying the bills. Like a donkey you got fed (sex) as long as you proved useful. Unfortunately, infidelity is often times a pretext, not the real reason, for a breakup.

If you bribe your wife with money, you will always fail. She’s after that honeypot.

From the beginning, the woman of your choice needs to be instructed that virility means variety. If you are a healthy man, you will at times seek out flings that can last from a few hours to a few years, and there is nothing wrong with that ! Unfortunately, in our society people label it “cheating”. There is no cheating if the woman understands that. Assuming the bonds of the relationship strengthen over time, she’ll come out ahead because you are allowed to operate under your natural parameters. There is no science in the world that supports monogamy except modern societal standards [yes, that’s not a science], in fact, the sciences: anthropology, biology, sociology tell a different story. Read Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha. Monogamy became a feature (but not in the strictest way it is applied today) with the advent of  agriculture, same time cancer, heart disease, and auto-immune diseases came into the scene. Monogamy Is Not “Natural” For Human Beings – Psychology Today, EE Smith. Let me make it clear: I don’t restrict women’ movements, as I’m Ok both with poligyny and polyandry (term used describing female having multiple male partners).

A woman that restricts her man is not worth having, let alone keeping. There no such thing as “cheating”.

Is having sex with a pro “cheating” ? In general, no. Sex with a pro is dumb if it becomes a habit, and if large sums of money are spend. It indicates a poor habit. It’s never good if somebody stops at McDonald’s and overpays, say, $20 for a burger, is it ?

Failed relationships for famous people are perilous. Famous folks have it different because of their visibility and status. They need to have special contingencies in place, or risk the wrath of the public. There’s nothing worse than the wrath of the masses, who are rapacious and ready to judge. Famous people will often pay a wife to go off “quietly”.

For the rest of us, damage control is not that complicated. If your woman claims your having another on the side is upsetting her, you haven’t set the terms clear enough. A wrong start makes for a rough road.

 Don’t go on a road that has no clear signs and complain about where you end up.
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 Addendum: So Tues. morning I get this email from a reader who identifies himself as a 21-year old (legal age in his state) and asks me How Much Should He Pay for a Hooker ?!? WTF ? Maybe he’s too afraid to ask his parents, his hormones are raging, so:

Assuming prostitution is legal where you are (or where you’re going), you should pay no more than your one hour wage if you’re working. If you’re making $20/hr., be willing to pay $20. If $20 doesn’t get you anything but a retched skank,  reconsider buying and get it from your school friends. As a young man, you need to learn the value of the dollar. And also you need to learn the value of sex. Sex should be readily and easily available to everyone, like fuel is. If you have to buy it, never pay too much for what is essentially a basic need. Think of McDonald’s: they’re everywhere and they’re cheap. Open 24/7 and anybody can get in there.  If sex was plentiful and cheap, addictions to drugs and alcohol would disappear. Therapists would be out of business. Violent crimes would trickle down.

Alternatively, try to negotiate with the Seller. In a respectable and firm tone, bargain the price down. Ask for 1/2 hour instead of an hour. Say it like you mean it. 30 people will turn you down, but the 31st will click. Also, use your phone. Do not text. Do not send any pictures of yourself. And if you make an appointment, be on time. 

If I had a 21-year old son, I’d pay for his 1st, 10th, 20th session. He needs to get that out of his system in order to achieve great things and not stumble over “relationship issues” like most beta males.  (Note: I don’t condone prostitution.)

Image: Haruki-Murakami.com